Stages of Emotions

Within this post, I wanted to talk about emotions and what people don't see behind the scenes. When I first got diagnosed with Larry, I was given a booklet of 'Understanding Hodgkin Lymphoma' by Macmillan in which it talks about your feelings and what you may expect. I imagine that those in similar situations as mine are going through these stages of emotions and it is truly a rollercoaster of emotions that I hope after this I will never have to experience ever again.

Sadness/Upset: Initially, the first reaction was pure tears. Sadness came over me in waves and all I could do was cry and feel so beyond upset. It is hard to put down in words how I feel deep down however I have learnt that it is okay to be upset and cry, especially because after a good cry I feel better!

Anger: Why me?! Why do I have to be the one who gets this?! What did I do wrong?! What did I do to deserve this?! Why do I have to be the one who deals with this treatment and diagnosis?

Shock: How could it possibly be cancer, cancer doesn’t happen to people like me and my family, it is a numb feeling in which I feel they have got the wrong person. It is strange to sit in appointments and feel like the consultant is not talking to you but somebody else, however over time the shock has worn off and it has become more real.  

Acceptance: I have now got to a point where these are the cards that I have been dealt with and there is nothing I can do about it,  all I can do is work towards getting better and my health getting back to some sort of normal. You begin to accept it and realise that even though this is not what you want to be going through that at least you can start treatment to help you feel better and get rid of Larry!

Loved: I am beyond lucky and fortunate for my support circle. My parents have been amazing and unwavering in their support, I am so so lucky to have them with me and I genuinely do not know what I would do without them. My boyfriend, Darren, has been my nurse and looked after me and has been so strong throughout this by keeping a smile on his face and making me laugh. My best friends, you really know who are your friends in times like this. You know who you are and I am so very grateful for you and I love you all. My family in Australia, Barnsley, Sheffield, In the South, Ireland, your love has not gone unnoticed too. I recently posted on Facebook about my GoFundMe page and the response was astonishing. I was so overwhelmed and continue to be in awe of everyone's kindness, love and support. In the first week, we raised over £1900 pounds for Lymphoma Action, which is just amazing and by the time I have published this post over £3020 has been raised for Lymphoma Action on my GoFundMe page. Natasha, one of my best friend's organised a local sports day to help raise money and Holly, Vickie, Meghan & Liv also baked loads of cakes to sell at the sports day which raised £333. A further £850 has raised by my friend Joanne who is doing the Great Scottish Run in aid of Lymphoma Action. 

There are times when I will cry and times when I will be angry and overwhelmed by the whole diagnosis and sometimes where all I look to is the future. All these feelings are normal I guess and what is to be expected in this rollercoaster journey.

If anyone else has been experiencing similar emotions and you feel lonely or have no one to talk to, then please get in contact with myself or a number of different helplines such as Macmillan 0808 808 00 00, Lymphoma Action 0808 808 555 & Cancer Research 0808 800 4040.

Thank you for reading,

Laura x